OUTLAW EAGLE MANUFACTURING

[HOOLIGAN]

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion,
and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she
sat alone at a near by table.

My wife asked, "Do you know her?"

Yes I sighed, she's my old girlfriend, I understand she took to
drink'n right after we split up , and I hear she hasn't been sober
since!

My god!! says my wife, Who would think a person could
go on celebrating that long!!!


and then the fight started

[Arthur]

> When girls don't put out!!
> This was written by a guy ... it's pretty damn smart.
>
> Girls -- Please have a sense of humor!
>
> I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
> much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
> never figured out why men think with their head and women with their
> heart.
>
> FOR EXAMPLE:
>
> One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well,
> the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like
> it, I just want you to hold me.'
>
> I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'
>
> So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
>
> 'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me
> to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'
>
> She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for
> who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'
>
> Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
>
> The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
> her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
> unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on
> several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to
> take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to
> compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'
>
> We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of
> diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have
> thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was
> testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even
> know how to play tennis.
>
> I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was
> almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling
> with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all
> dear, let's go to the cashier.'
>
> I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel
> like it.'
>
> Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled,
> 'WHAT?'
>
> I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
> You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to
> satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'
>
> And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added,
> 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy
> you?'
>
> Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch
> knows I'm smarter than her.

[HOOLIGAN]

The wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to me,
"I feel horrible, I look fat , old, and ugly. I realy need you to pay
me a compliment!"

I replied " your eyesight's damn near perfect!"

and then the fight started

[Viking502]

Three women, one not married, one has been married for 2 months the third has been married for ten years, were sitting around gossiping and talking about how they could get their boyfriend / husbands more interested in them.
They thought for a while and finally came up with the idea to suprise their husband by wearing a kinky outfit. The outfit was to be those high stiletto black leather boots, tight black leather panties, tight leather bra, a black mask and they would be holding a whip as well.
A couple of weeks later the three women get together for their normal gossip session. They then asked how the kinky outfit worked for one another.
The first women, not married yet, said "I got dressed up in the high stiletto black leather boots, tight black leather panties, tight leather bra, a black mask and was holding the whip, my boyfriend walked in the door after work, took one look at me, told me how much he loves and appreciates me. He then carried my off to the bedroom and made love to me all night long".
The second women, married for a couple months, said "I got dressed up in the high stiletto black leather boots, tight black leather panties, tight leather bra, a black mask and was holding the whip, my husband walked in the door after work, took one look at me, did not say one word, jumped on top of me and f*%@ked me right on the floor.
The third women, married for ten years, said "I got dressed up in the high stiletto black leather boots, tight black leather panties, tight leather bra, a black mask and was holding the whip, my husband walked in the door after work, walked right past me, sat down on the couch, turned on the hockey game and said, "what's for dinner Batman?"".

[DOC]

What do you do when theres a woman staggering around in your back yard ? Shoot her again !!!

[TOP DAWG]

What do you tell a women with one black eye ?
You should have listen to him !
What do you tell a women with two black eyes ?
Nothing, she's already been told twice

[TOP DAWG]

> WHY AM I MARRIED?
>
> You have two choices in life:
>
> You can stay single and be miserable,
>
> or get married and wish you were dead.
>
> _________
>
> At a cocktail party, one man said to another,
>
> "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
>
> "Yes, I am. I married the wrong woman."
>
> _________
>
> A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
>
> "Husband Wanted".
>
> Next day she received a hundred letters.
>
> They all said the same thing:
>
> "You can have mine."
>
> __________
>
> When a woman steals your husband,
>
> there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
>
>
> __________
>
> A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished .
>
> __________
>
> A little boy asked his father,
>
> "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
>
> Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
>
> __________
>
> A young son asked,
>
> "Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
>
> a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
>
> Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."
>
> _________
>
> Then there was a woman who said,
>
> "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
>
> and by then, it was too late."
>
> __________
>
> If you want your spouse to listen and
>
> pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
>
> __________
>
> Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go
> through life thinking they had no faults at all.
>
> __________
>
> First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
>
> Second guy remarks, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
>
> __________
>
> "A Woman's Prayer:
>
> Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom to understand a man,
> to Love and to forgive him, and for Patience for his moods.
>
> Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death"
>
> __________
>
> AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!
>
> Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children.
>
> A blind man joins them after a few minutes.
>
> When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and
>
> only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
>
> So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.
>
> After a while, the husband gets irritated by the
> ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and
> says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your
>stick?
> That ticking sound is driving me crazy."
>
> The blind man replies, "If you had put a rubber at
> the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up."

[reeder]

My wife was trying on her favorite pair of pants the other day in the mirror and asked me, "Honey do these pants make me look fat?" Without even thinking I said "Honey, I don't think it has anything to do with the pants" I don't need to tell you what happened next! Moral of the story: Being honest really doesn't f@#*ing pay! But she doesn't ask me that classic question anymore.........at least not as often.

[Arthur]

http://myspacetv.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=39030300

[Viking502]

A guy was trying to console a friend who'd just found his wife in bed with another man. "Get over it, buddy," he said. "It's not the end of the world."
"It's all right for you to say," answered his buddy. "But what if you came home one night and caught another man in bed with your wife?"

The fella ponders for a moment, then says, "I'd break his cane and kick his seeing-eye dog in the ass."

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Once there were three men, Dave, John, and Sam, who were involved in a tragic car accident in which all three died. As they stood at the gates of heaven St. Peter came up to them and said, "You will all be given a method of transportation for your eternal use around heaven. You will be judged on your past deeds, and will have your transport chosen accordingly." St. Peter looked at Dave and said, "You, Dave, were a bad man. You cheated on your wife four times! For this, you will drive around Heaven in an old beat up Dodge." Next St. Peter looked at John and said, "You, were not so evil, but you still cheated on your wife two times. For this, you will forever travel around heaven in a Toyota stationwagon." St. Peter finally looked at Sam, and said, "You, Sam, have set a fine example. You did not have sex until after marriage, and you never cheated on your wife! For this, you will forever travel through heaven in a Ferrari." A short time later, Jon and Dave pulled up in their cars next to Sam's Ferrari and there he is, sitting on the hood, head in hands, crying. "What's wrong, Sam?" they asked. "You got the Ferrari! You are set forever! Why so down?" Sam looked up, ever so slowly opened his mouth and cried, "I just saw my wife go by on a skate board."
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Sarah was reading a newspaper while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. "Listen to this," she said. "There's a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium." "Hmmm," her husband said, not looking up from his magazine. Teasing him, Sarah said, "Would you swap me for a season ticket?" "Absolutely not," he said. "How sweet," Sarah said. "Tell me why not." "Season's more than half over," he said.
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A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him."
They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also."

They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one."

The man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and inquire if it was 365 times with the same cow."

[Dave]

Thanks for those Viking. That was some good shite.

[AR]

Sex and Gas..........

A gas station owner in South was trying to increase his sales.

So he put up a sign that read, "Free Sex with Fill-Up."

Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex.

The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10.

If he guessed correctly he would get his free sex.

The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said,

"You were close. The number was 7.

Sorry. No sex this time."

A week later, the same redneck,

along with a buddy, Bubba,

pulled in for another fill-up.

Again he asked for his free sex.

The proprietor again gave him the same story,

and asked him to guess the correct number.

The redneck guessed 2 this time.

The proprietor said,

"Sorry, it was 3.

You were close, but no free sex this time."

As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy,

"I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex."

Bubba replied,

"No it ain't, Billy Ray.

It ain't rigged.

My wife won twice last week."